Sweet Battle

How long will it last?  Will I be able to maintain the relationships I had when I was in Toronto?  The computer is great since it keeps us in contact, but will that last?  Will we continue to keep in contact and will the feelings be there?  Will we just stop talking one day?  That will be scary and I don’t want that to happen.  It makes me sad just thinking of it.  We won’t see each other for probably another 1 and a half year, what will things be like at that time?  Will we have anything to say to each other then?  Will you even remember me at that time?  I truly believe my feelings will still be there, and everytime we talk, the feeling seems to grow; but what’s happening on your side?  Am I becoming a smaller and smaller part of your life?  Will we eventually become ‘hi’ / ‘bye’ friends?  Will you still care and will you still care that I truly care about you?  Will you still be there to listen patiently?  Will you keep your promise to visit me one day?  I am truly scared of losing this relationship.  Please, please don’t let it happen.

"The Little Prince" by Antoine De Saint-Exupery was given to me by a friend.  I had never had a chance to read this book, but have heard so much about it.  I really like this present.  I’ve got the 60th Anniversary version, which is so nice and definitely a keeper.  Finish reading it this morning and loved it.  I think this is a very powerful story and very interesting indeed.  The story is short but there are so many interesting thoughts in it, and so much for you to reflect on.  I will definitely recommend this book to anyone.  Loved it!

This is my horoscope on Friendster today:

You haven’t really been able to think straight for days — okay, maybe it’s been more like weeks. You’ve been totally and completely distracted by a certain someone. But, wonderfully enough, they’ve been equally preoccupied with you. Well, now’s the time to be brave and have a heart-to-heart talk about these mutual feelings. Isn’t it time you two let your hair down? Sure it is.

The first part about thinking is definitely true, but should it should probably say for months.  And the second part, how I wish it is true.  Even a horoscope likes to remind me of things I want to forget.  What can I do!

I have safely arrived in Macau.  Have been here for less than a day, but I am already feeling the pressure to look for a job and for a place to live.  I truly don’t think this is neccessary since it’s just my first day here.  Of course part of it is self imposed; I am handling that part fine.  However, I hate pressure that is imposed on me.  I am a person who plans ahead and have enough will power to follow my plans; imposed pressure, therefore, is not neccessary.  Thinking positively, it can push me to move along faster; however, it can also push me to rebel.  I am still trying to take it easy since I have set a time frame for myself, and the next month is still time for fun and to enjoy life.  Hopefully, things will get better and I will find the right path for me.

It’s 6:15 am.  Leaving for the airport in an hour and leaving Toronto in a few.  I am really leaving.  I am starting my new life and facing all the difficulties that come with it.  I think I am ready and I will enjoy it to the best I can.  I am sure there will be many happy memories to be created in my new home.

Goodbye Toronto!

Just tomorrow left and I am flying out early Monday morning.  I have accepted the fact that I am leaving, and there are a lot of things I can’t bring back to Macau, like friendships.  I don’t have lots of friends, that’s why I treasure the few that I have.  I have faith we will remain friends even if it is another 2 or 3 years before we see each other again.  Just wanna say a few thank you’s here.  Some of you will probably never read this, but these are people that I will never forget and I sincerely thank them from the bottom of my heart.  They each had played a role in altering my life.  They have been there for me and I will always be there for them.  I try to list them in the order they appear in my life.

Anabela, Juliana & Liliana - You three are the first friends I know.  Hope we can keep in touch from now on.

Arlete, Patricia & Alexandra - My three best friends in Primary school.  We have all grown up and hope we can be friends forever.

Mandy - First friend I know in Form school and I really appreciated your friendship.  I will never forget all that you have done for me and hope we will meet again down the road.

Gerald - I will never forget that you yelled at me!!!  I will also never forget the better times we spent together.

Bonnie - It’s been 11 years but I know that we will be friends for many more 11 years.  We are so different but it’s been great having a friend like you.  I know I can always rely on you.  Thanks!

Mary, Joannie & Evelyn - There are so many memories from our years in Ward.

Kissee & Fina - What can I say, somehow you two became my friends too.

Angela - You are the best friend that I was always looking for.  Thanks for all that you have done.

Ruby & Margaret - It was great knowing you two and you are in my UTSC momeries.

Francis - You were the one that hired me and taught me a lot, both on and off the job.  Never really had a chance to thank you.

Alan Lee - We have so much in common and I know if I miss you (not that I will), I can just look into the mirror, right?

Rachel - Always remember you for having bad taste, =), but be nice to my friend!  Hope you all the best and I know you will succeed in whatever you do.  We will be friends forever.

Esther, Victor & Simon - You three make my days at #022 memorable.

Patricia Lam - You taught me so much and had been so great.  As you will say, you spoiled me when I was at #192.

Jenny & Stephanie - Remember the original days of #192?  Work at that time was so much more enjoyable.

Patrick - Once again, thanks for all your help!

??? - It’s been 1 year!  You have been in my heart and on my mind; and these feelings only seem to grow.  Though we have not spent much time together, it’s been great knowing you and I treasure every moment that we were together.  I really hope we will meet again in the future.

Just 4 more days left in Toronto. This month went by too quickly and there are still so much I want to do.  I am treasuring every moment I am spending with my friends and will never forget these few days.  Have I seen everyone I want to see?  Almost, but I want to see them again and again.  I guess I don’t realize how much I am gonna miss them, until I don’t get to see them again (at least in the near future).  I know a lot of them will visit HK, but where will I be at that time and is it guaranteed that I will see them then.  Things will be different for sure at that time.  I guess there are still somethings I am trying to hold on to and not willing to let go as of now.  Just want to hold on to it a little longer and enjoy it a little longer.  I don’t know if these friendships can be kept forever, but I know the memories within me will definitely be kept forever.

今天心情不是太好，不知道自己會如何，又不知道自己想怎樣。又想去台灣，又想留在澳門，只知道不想留在加拿大。想留在澳門其實有很多原因，包括想早一點可以買到屋子，早一點可以固定下來，還有留在澳門有比較大的機會可以見到我想見到的人。突然想法改變了，覺得自己已經不年青，不想再浪費時間。害怕浪費了一年時間後，甚麼都沒有已會到原地。為什麼想追求一些自己想要的東四是這麼難的？自問我的要求不是太過份。我是不是永遠都不會找到屬於我的快樂？

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid!

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is
taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorant.

Just a week left in Toronto and my stress level is just getting higher.  I have sold my car to a second hand dealer.  The price wasn’t great but no time to worry about that.  Still have a lot of other things to do and will be running around in the next few days.  Now that it is getting closer to actually being in Macau, I start to worry what I am gonna do there.  I want to go to Taiwan in June but still not certain whether I want to stay there for a year, or go back to Macau in September.  If I stay in Taiwan, I think it will be a great experience but it will slow down my plans for a year.  I guess I will see if I find a job in the next month, if not, I will decide in June when I am actually in Taiwan.  I just hope to go to more places; places I have never been, and enjoy myself.  Hopefully, I will find a lifestyle that is more suitable for me.  I am so tired of my life here in Toronto and I believe this will be a positive change for me.  Time is going by and I have not done anything that I will look back on and be proud of; nothing significant had happened in my life.   It is just plain and boring.  I don’t hate Toronto, and am very happy that I’ve met so many friends here.  There are people here that I will never forget and will cherish for the rest of my life.  I have a feeling that I will never see some of them again, but their impact on my life had been so great that the memories will last a lifetime.